Psychic Kids

So I tend to enjoy watching all manner of paranormal shows, I take most of them with a grain of salt of course, I am still and always will be a believe it when I see it type of person. So seem more legit than others, some are more entertainment than scientific. I know some would say that none of them are scientific, but then I dont discount things either just cuz some guy in a white overcoat says they are or are not possible.

So anyways, A&E has a new show called Psychic Kids: Paranormal Children. One thing I always had trouble accepting is psychics, I don't know why, when I accept that the possibility of EVPs, black shadow people and other such paranormal activity could exists... I guess it has to do with the fact that I will never be able to prove what they are saying, not really anyways. So at first, when I saw this show was going to be done I was a little wary, because now we are not only totally focused on psychics, but kids none the less. Would this exploit kids that had deeper issues? I didnt know.

As I have watched this show I now find myself wondering what there is to this. The things they seem to come up with are incredible. Do I know exactly what these apparent abilities might be? I dont know, I guess it raises more questions than it does answer. As I have watched other paranormal shows that use psychics to aid in investigations I always had to question what they were actually picking up. Spirits? Thoughts of those around them? What? I dont know. I find it all a little interesting.

I guess what truly disturbs me though is that all these supposed entities, or spirits or what have you seem to be stuck where they shouldn't be. I know... Norm... are you mental? Are you really buying this stuff? Well I dont know, I guess it concerns me more knowing that its possible, even if its not believable to everyone. And everything I have gone thru makes me worry about that. I wont say that I havent experienced things around me that give me pause, will I say Tami is still here in this house, no, I wont go that far. In fact I hope if its possible that she isnt, that there is something better than just being locked out of all of our reality looking in.

I wont even bring god into this, that is for another discussion. But all these shows, whether you believe or not deserve some looking into, the fact still remains for me that the Ghost Hunters still holds the highest level of believability to me just because they work so hard to disprove anything they might catch as evidence. At times I would like to try and find a way to open myself up to it more, to try and experience what others seem to. But then I am not big on messing with things I dont understand either.

I just dont know either way some days.

Wow...

It's been a while since I blogged over here in my little corner of blog-o-sphere, what's changed, coaches still suck, organized religion still irks me and there is still plenty of intolerance to go around. So not much has changed there.

On the religion thing though, I feel like my eyes are opened to a lot of different things, while hearing someone tell me that this or that has happened due to "his" plan still makes me want to gag, or silly things like Tami wont be able to come thru for a year because her spirit is being detoxed (dont ask)... WTF... really... but there is a lot of interesting things out there that I am seeing and it intrigues me to delve into them more. And I love talking to open people about it, it makes for interesting points of views and ideas, but I am a sucker for a good discussion anyways.

What else, oh, I am thinking about getting some ink, I think that's a cool hip way to say a tattoo, right now I am leaning toward some sort of band around my upper right arm with the words "Nothing Else Matters" incorporated somehow, I got a tip on an artist in Peoria from a new friend so I am going to investigate further and see what comes of it. I will post pictures if it happens.

That's about it really, been hitting the gym and ice hard, lost about 20 pounds, probably a little more if I hadn't been mixing the weights in there and building up some muscle. I am feeling good, healthy and strong, mentally and physically. Still going to my Monday group. Made some new friends, and just trying to keep it all in line. So far, so good.

The loneliness thing still kicks my ass here and there, like tonight, but more and more I am finding that I have less alone time, and that's good.

Religion, Coaches and intolerance...

SO I am gonna rant a little here, so put your rubber boots on, might get deep here. I believe in things, I don't now that what I believe in would be accepted with traditional thinking in religious hardcore groups. But let me throw out an example of why I stick to my guns on what I believe. I listened to a couple people describe the loss of loved ones to suicide, gut wrenching to say the least. This was followed by a person who lost their spouse to a sickness, he was so upset by this he himself almost OD'd. His statement following this statement was that because he was a christian that he knew if he committed suicide he would not go to heaven.

Okay, did you catch it? Yeah. Lets really look at this, because this is probably another one the Pope or whomever should sit down and revisit as they have so many other things that the church is intolerant of. My wife passed away due to a sickness. I think the people that lost a loved one to suicide also lost their loved ones to a sickness. The brain, mind can become ill, so ill it can make you do horrible things to yourself, your friends, family anyone. So for someone to say that a person who took their own life would be forsaken for such a thing, well is just ignorant. It's little things like this that cause me to stumble when approaching any sort of organized religion. I mean I want to, I believe there is something after death, but I think humans have a long way to go to totally understand what is going on here and after.

Okay, so on another subject I wanna talk about coaches, I am shocked at some of the methods used in coaching young kids. I was involved with coaching kids with my dad when I was younger, and cant ever remember my dad calling out a kid in front of everyone during a game, humiliating the kid in front of everyone, or my dad picking up my brother and whooping his ass as he went to the bench. Yet here I am watching a baseball game seeing this very thing.

I can remember a kid on the team my dad coached, and he was probably the best player on the team, and he probably knew it. One game, my dad couldn't make it so this kids father offered to help me out behind the bench. This kid to his hockey stick and gave another kid a two hander across the back of his legs, needless to say he got a penalty. After this kid got done with his penalty he got back to the bench, I explain that we wouldn't have that type of play on the team and promptly sat him for the rest of the period, his dad didn't say a peep but later told my dad that I handled it perfectly. I didn't make a specticle of it, didn't make a joke of it to make him look bad, and in turn he never did anything like that again.

SO I ask, what is with these coaches I am seeing now? We are talking young kids here, just learning the game of baseball, they are going to make mistakes, heck the pros do. I think that maybe there needs to be better training for coaches, I dont know that these coaches get anything like my dad and I did back when we coached minor hockey, but it is needed. These kids deserve better, they deserve to have fun, and learn from their mistakes, not be afraid of what might happen if they do make mistakes.

Okay, enough ranting for one night. Night all.

Sleep Paralysis

Here is the definition of this: http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=9806.

I have suffered from this since I was in my mid teens, of course I didn't really know what it was till some years ago when I really started getting into paranormal investigation shows. I can still remember some of my first episodes. The first ones being the sensation of being carried above a number of people's head and not being able to move. Then the came more realistic as in the true definition of them where it was like I was able to look around the darkened bedroom as if I was awake but unable to move. The first time that happened it was as if someone was at the foot of my bed holding my feet down.

I always knew it was some sort of in-my-head-thing, but some of the episodes had some weird content that I mostly kept it to myself. I really never even told Tami about it until I was watching one of the better paranormal investigation shows that actually tries to find earthly reasoning behind paranormal experiences. Things that tipped me off that it was a mind thing was at times when it would happen things like the room would be backwards, completely mirrored and for a time I was able to do things like scream at the top of my lungs to get myself out of it, I wouldn't really be screaming, but in my dream I would be.

For the most part they have never really been anything to write home about, I mean I experienced the panicked feelings people talk about, I mean if you never experienced it you might not understand but waking up to not being able to move or speak or reach over to wake up your spouse can be a bit freaky, like a nightmare but awake, but not awake, yeah, weird.

Anyways, I had a bad bout of it last night. I can trace back and understand what probably happened, I been going for 4 mile walks daily, I haven't been getting to bed very early and I get up really early for work, not to mention everything that's been going on in my life these days. Last night as I was falling asleep it started, and I knew what was going on, I struggled of course as I always do. Then it ramped up, I heard Tami crying out in pain like she had before she died, it sounded like it was coming from the bathroom where she spent a lot of time when she was having bad pains. It was so real, I cant even tell you. Then I was able to roll a little, or at least I thought I did, then standing at the side of my bed was a dark figure, very fuzzy and with little to no definable shape. I heard my name yelled in a voice I didn't recognize, at least at the time I couldn't make out who it was, when I finally woke up I thought it was Tami's voice but it wasn't, I don't know who it was.

I don't know how long this lasted, maybe a few minutes, a few seconds, I don't know. I knew what had happened, that none of it was real and that I needed sleep and my body was making me pay for not getting it, but this was probably the most, hmmm, I guess the only word would be terrifying episode I have ever had. I flicked the light on and did the only thing I could think of, went back to sleep, I must have went fast cuz the light was still on at 3:30 when the alarm went off.

It's the first time I have felt the need to google sleep paralysis, although I have never had any alien abduction events, I can a test for the ghostly apparitions. I wont be so bold as to say ever ghostly encounter recorded can be attributed to this, but I certainly have only had these experiences in this state of S.P. It's interesting to read now how wide spread it is, and that it seems very common. It made me feel like sharing, even if I only get a couple visits here, and maybe 2 people that actually comment. It still felt like something I should share. Let me know if any of you have had anything like this happen to you.

Step-fatherhood

I tell you what, this parenthood stuff is tough, then add in the step part and it is even a tough path to navigate. Now don't get me wrong, I don't regret anything I have, far from of it. But boy, you just don't know which way to steer on any given day. It's especially hard now that my guide in life has been taken away.

It's tough to go from a pair to a single. The only one I have to bounce things off of, that really knew everyone involved is not there, or at least, can no longer answer. A lot of my insecurities are magnified.

Now I know the initial answer or response by all you parents out there is get over it, its just parenting, but hold up Tonto. It's not so easy. First just the initial fear of pushing someone away because you say something with the best intentions that maybe someone doesn't want to hear. Of course parents have this risk as well, but there is that unconditional bond that generally prevails in most situations. I either don't have that net, or worried it isn't there. Then my true tie to the family is robbed, well it makes for a lot of tip toeing on my part, whether it's warranted or or not.

I have never been one to always make the right choices in life, I shoot from the hip a lot. Even times when I do something I think is nice it seems to always have a bad result down the road. No not every time, but I am far from batting 1000 either. Even when I feel in my heart I am right in doing something, someone has to make it seem wrong. Meh, I suppose that is life, but it always gets me second guessing myself. I run thru things until I come up with every crazy possible scenario. My goodness I could become a shut-in some days.

Bah, I probably over think things too much. I shouldn't expect to understand everything, the minute you do is about 10 minutes after you pass.

How not to drum up business Pt 2

WTF!?!? The salvation army called today??? I mean really, I haven't even been able to think about picking up her dress she wore to Sarah's wedding from where she set it down that night, and the salvation army is calling my home? I am glad I wasn't home, but I can only imagine why they were calling. Sorry... 2 weeks 5 days ISNT FUCKING LONG ENOUGH!!

How not to drum up business

Yes I am posting in 2 places, lets say this blog will be for all my bitter or geeky type posts. 

Now I know the economy is slow, and people are trying to drum up business where they can, but I don't know if searching the obituaries is the right place. For me to get a letter from a company in Pontiac IL, about how they were being respectful by waiting a week to mail me information on doing a memorial stone, well I was just a little upset. I was going to scan the letter and post it in all its glory here, but really its not worth my time.

Now thinking about this you would have to assume that they scanned the obituaries, came across Tami's, searched for our address and decided that would be a good way to find new customers. I am sorry, but that is a little sick. I mean if I wanted some large granite memorial don't you think the Funeral Home would have recommended a place to get such a thing done? Maybe I am over reacting, but I just think its a poor business practice, at least the Jehovah Witness letter was sent to the funeral home, then they forwarded it to me. I suppose thats a little better on their part, or they just don't know how to use a computer.

I am sure they have gotten business this way, but I still think its wrong.