Life in a hospital

Beeps, chatter, sadness, crying, sleeping with your spouse, but she is in a bed and I am in a crappy recliner. The clock doesn't matter anymore, sleep comes between pain med doses and nurse visits. Keeping the curtains closed makes it easier to sleep when generally your not supposed to, and easier to be awake when you shouldn't be. Trying to absorb all the pain, the sadness, the anger the confusion, all the while trying to hold yours in, least to a healthy level anyways.

The food isn't bad, but then the ambiance kinda sucks. Most people are friendly, not everyone is. Knowing when to step on toes and knowing when to stroke egos. Trying to make sure the nurses hit the med schedules, and wondering how I can keep them straight in my head when they cant always and they have a computer to track them with.

The oncology floor adds a new dimension. The phone calls outside your door of people rallying their loved ones to come as someone only has hours to live, passing clergy as they leave a room. People crying in the halls in the middle of the night. Going to sleep with a neighbor, waking up to an empty room next door.

It is surreal to say the least, blogging, playing solitaire on my iPod, reading "The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian" by Robert E. Howard (I wasn't kidding about the geek thing in the title of this blog). Anything to stay a little sane in an insane situation. You get a sense of comfort with the staff at a hospital after a while, walking down the hall in the middle of the night in your socked feet to grab a drink or go to the bathroom. It's weird if you have never done it, I cant imagine it from Tami's point of view, I think I would feel trapped, imprisoned even.

As a side note, in the side bar to the right is a song by David Cook, he is the winner of last years American Idol, a year that actually produced something appealing. Anyways David Cook wrote this song for his brother who is battling brain cancer. It really speaks to me on a personal level. I am gonna try and post these songs when they come along, maybe they will speak to someone else that might not ever come across this type of music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vP80gxcLbZs&feature=related