Points of light

Ok, so my last post was a little down, and, well, as far as Mayo is concerned it always will be. I do believe that there are points of light, rays of goodness in everything. Now it was mentioned that perhaps I expected too much out of people in the cancer field, and I will admit going into this I expected us to be farther along in the fight against Cancer than we actually are. That is not to say we don't have some very strong options and ways to combat it, but other things just seem slow on development. Anyways, back on topic, I will touch on the the other point later or in another post.

Points of light, Dr Al Benson, Through everything we have gone through and all the doctors we have seen, Dr Benson has been the template for how doctors should be, in my opinion. I remember the day we first saw him, I had talked to him on the phone and thru email a few times already, on the phone it was like talking to someone that was really into computers about computers, they would ramble on about this and that like you knew exactly what they were saying. He seemed interested, if that makes any sense. He was offering things I had never heard about from anyone. I wish at the time I talked to him I would have asked him further on his opinion of Tami's upcoming surgery. Water under the bridge right? Anyways, the day we met him, he was running late, Tami was about to walk, lock Tami in a small room with no windows and no smoking and see how long you last... I dare ya! I finally went out and asked what was going on, he was running behind and would be with us shortly, I thought to myself, typical. In my defense I was, and am still very jaded when it comes to the discussion of doctors and the level of caring and concern for their patients.

Dr Benson finally comes into the room, the first thing that catches my eye is the button he is wearing on his jacket (it caught Tami's eye as well) It had the word pain with a circle around it and a line thru the word. He was very soft spoken, calming even. I don't know how to describe someone, but there is just an initial impression you get about someone, and with me personally, I usually get a good idea of a person within the first few minutes of conversing with them. He seemed very knowledgeable about what was going on, he seemed to know what he was talking about, like he really had made an effort to get to know Tami's case, like he was almost excited for the opportunity to be the one to help us. He answered question how I thought they should be answered. Tami: How long and well will I be able to tolerate this Chemo? Dr Benson: We cant really say, some handle things better than others, we will closely monitor you to make sure you are doing ok with the Chemo. Tami: How long will this Chemo give me, what are my chances? Dr Benson: Everyone responds differently to Chemo, we will monitor you to see how you respond and will get a better idea of what and where we need to go and do as we go along. Now these are not direct quotes but you get the idea, he answered like a human doctor, someone that wasn't interested in stats, or text book answers. He was educated enough and respectful enough to say that he didn't know everything. He was optimistic, but realistic at the same time. He was more interested in treating Tami for what she had going on currently than for what might or might not happen in a few months, his concern for her comfort thru pain control and tolerance of the Chemo was so comforting, half way thru the first meeting I knew that no matter what, we would be coming up to Chicago to do the Chemo. So far I have not been disappointed.

Now dont get me wrong, I dont think that Dr Benson can do miracles or magic. I do think that Dr Benson cares about Tami. Something I have not felt since this journey began, from the doctors at Mayo that seemed resigned to the fact that Tami's fate was sealed and they held the play book, to Dr Gomez who thought it was important to let Tami know his prognosis (or guesstimate as I prefer to term it) of Tami's life, or Dr Migas, who was so all over the board most of the time, my head hurt and made me a little dizzy after most meetings with him, I am not ever sure he knew what he had said the week before.

So with a Doctor like Dr Benson, and his staff, like Vicki and the others, there are people in the Cancer Biz that know what they are up against, know what their patients are up against, understand and feel for them, and try and make good out of a dismal and horrible experience.

Today Tami received her results from her CT, well I went and picked them up and got to inform her, lucky me, I was a nervous wreck driving down to get them, I am tired of seeing my wife cry, delivering bad news or sharing in that with her. But today I got to tell her this Chemo is working, that reduction of the tumors in her liver was shown, and that in this battle in the war on cancer we had the upper hand. Finally some good news. I cant tell you in words here or in person how proud I am of Tami, I dont know that I could be as strong as she has been through all of this, at times more worried about me or others in the family than herself. I am not sure how I got so lucky, to have a wife like her, that puts up with all my short comings and makes me a better person in turn. I ask everyone that knows her, that sees her, that talks to her, realize and understand what she is up against, what she has done so far, how well she is fighting and tell her every day you see her how proud you are of her, because she needs to know above all else, no matter what happens in the future, she has already done more and fought harder than anyone could have every asked her to. A day shouldn't go by without her being told that, I look up to her, so should everyone.