Step-fatherhood

I tell you what, this parenthood stuff is tough, then add in the step part and it is even a tough path to navigate. Now don't get me wrong, I don't regret anything I have, far from of it. But boy, you just don't know which way to steer on any given day. It's especially hard now that my guide in life has been taken away.

It's tough to go from a pair to a single. The only one I have to bounce things off of, that really knew everyone involved is not there, or at least, can no longer answer. A lot of my insecurities are magnified.

Now I know the initial answer or response by all you parents out there is get over it, its just parenting, but hold up Tonto. It's not so easy. First just the initial fear of pushing someone away because you say something with the best intentions that maybe someone doesn't want to hear. Of course parents have this risk as well, but there is that unconditional bond that generally prevails in most situations. I either don't have that net, or worried it isn't there. Then my true tie to the family is robbed, well it makes for a lot of tip toeing on my part, whether it's warranted or or not.

I have never been one to always make the right choices in life, I shoot from the hip a lot. Even times when I do something I think is nice it seems to always have a bad result down the road. No not every time, but I am far from batting 1000 either. Even when I feel in my heart I am right in doing something, someone has to make it seem wrong. Meh, I suppose that is life, but it always gets me second guessing myself. I run thru things until I come up with every crazy possible scenario. My goodness I could become a shut-in some days.

Bah, I probably over think things too much. I shouldn't expect to understand everything, the minute you do is about 10 minutes after you pass.